Within and without

There are days I wish that I could forget about all the pain you've caused me but instead it is the love I feel for you, I always seem to remember. I think about the promises unkept, the deceit and envy you seemingly held toward my being. So much so, you lunged to physically harm me. Sadly, I would allow a simple, I am sorry to do. Oh how it rendered me weak for you. As, I accepted Your "blue painted apologies" and there we were again after a day of tiresome battling. We lay cuddling and caressing. Me tightly holding you. You were too complex to figure out, too interchanging, never a consistent shade of grey. Yet, whenever you were red, you remained bergundy the entire time. My once flawless skin now, bares the bruise of your name. My heart once fearless of love now,is a host to scars from the inflicted pain. There are days that, I wish I could just forget about the love I feel for you and remember your wreckage, unacceptance of my goodness, my kindness. Even my demonstrated courage as I glued together pieces of a broken you.. One by fragmented One. Seems You never once thought to yourself that, I did not have to stay when you unleasheded your bombs into the center of my untainted field of hope for us. Not once, did I ever run or, turn away or say, I hated you for not being honest and true. Instead, I cleansed the soot from my heart and marched through the rubble with you. Seeking- just a sip of coolness from some non-existent place of grattitude within you.. Something beyond the whispers of your lips or, your shallow attempt to roll past our troubles. It reminded me of a gangster that does a "drive by" and then, just goes to sleep. Awakening the next day to dress and move about like it, never, ever happened. Your preys may be different but, you are both killers of Loving beings. Today, I am missing you. The you that, you pretended to be when we first met. I fell so deep into the pit of your expected soul.. I wish that, I could just find you again but, the place you've gone is so far away and so unknown. I've searched for you for so long and... The longer, I search the farther away you go and I get away from myself. Finally, I had to just turn around... Heading back toward A love that I know... My internal familiar. A Love that is within and true to me. My soulmate was standing there, awaiting my return with open arms. Accepted me with the bruises and scars from the unexplained war that you proclaimed upon my soul. One by One my Soulmate put me back together piece by shattered piece. Still.. there are days I wish, I could forget about the Love I feel for you. I can't... I know now because my love was and will always be true. My soulmate says lovingly that it is okay for me to feel. My Soulmate lives within me, My soulmate is me, My soulmate says that it's simply how I am built. My soulmate, validates my internal love for you and you... I wonder if you are affirmed by your guilt. I wonder if what I hold within, you now regret being without. (C)2013 LogicalPoetist/InkedlogicPatterns Inc.